OSCAR HATES VIDEOGAMES

Human: Hello guys, I have just logged into World of Warcraft, I am using the Warlock today, shall we set up a game? (speaking with some friends while playing online)
Oscar: human I’m staying here on the coach and take a little nap, don’t disturb me please.

After an unknown period of time which can easily go from an hour to three hours…

Human: guys, one more room and we will be at the final Boss!
Oscar: human excuse me but why are you ignoring me today?

Human: watch out on your right, there is an orc attacking me!
Oscar: human I am staring at you! Look into my eyes....

Human: ok guys, last room...
Oscar: human look at me, stare into my eyes, look deep into my eyes and do what I tell you to!

Human: watch out to the left! It’s getting too close, its coming straight at us!
Oscar: human now I am coming to you but I need your attention! And please shut these voices off, they are really starting to bother me now.

Human: oh man! we are all dead... let’s try again... never mind...
Oscar: I am under your chair human, I am coming up, I want your attention...

Human: ciao Oscar! Come here; come help me kill the baddy! Guys all of you say hi to my cat; he is going to help us kill the boss! .... Ciao! Ciao! Meoww! Ciao tomcat!
Oscar: what are all these voices? Mmm seems like you humans are able only to say Ciao! Here we are, good boy put your knee in position so I can jump easier, good boy. Here I am!

Human: nice one Oscar, good jump! Come here onto the cover under my screen, come.
Oscar: so now, my human loves when I press those keys randomly with the rear paws and when I lay down on his right arm, the position is a little uncomfortable but I can do it.

Human: no Oscar, come on! Be good for a second. There you are, I knew you were going to position yourself on my mouse arm… exactly what I needed...
Oscar: there you are human, bravo, stay still now. Actually no, move slowly with your arm that helps my sleep greatly… slow movement…

Human: sorry guys but I will be a little slower then usual, I have the cat right on my mouse arm...
Oscar: no, the position does not work, let me stretch a second and then I can turn, this way doesn’t work.

Human: o my God! Guys I can’t see anything! I have the cat right in front of my video! He is stretching, he is “arching”?! I am shooting randomly! Oscar I cannot see! Lay down!
Oscar: mmm let me see... why are you yelling? Are you stressed? If you keep acting like this I will end up stressed as well! No, I am not leaving, stay calm! I will stay here with you! Come closer so I can smell your nose so that I can express all of my love for you and make you happy.

Human: shit, I have the cat right in my face, I can’t see anything! How is it going? Are we going to make it this time?
Oscar: why are you moving? I really hate it when you move away from me human! Still! Nose to nose! It’s the rule! Like Eskimos! Stop; don’t push me away with your hand!

Human: ok guys, I am mobile again, cat emergency has ended for the moment.
Oscar: ok now, I will roll down here and take a nap, if you need me again just call me.

Human: sorry Oscar but I need to move your tail, it’s right on my keyboard, sorry.
Oscar: would you mind stopping? The tail has to hang from the table toward the floor, get your hands off my tail, now!

Human: YES! We did it! YES! The final boss is dead!
Oscar: o my God! What happened? Help! Where is danger!? Run!

Human: ops... sorry Oscar, I’ve got over excited... have I scared you? Guys we scared the cat with our yell of joy! hahahaha
Oscar: human are you stupid!? I have a weak heart! I am pure breed; it’s known that we are not as strong as street cats! O my God, because of the stress I could lose my fur! Let me have a control lick... and don’t come close to me! Naughty boy! I just wanted to keep you company!

Human: My little Oscar! Did I scare you a lot? My poor little dearest cat! He got very scared! Come; let me give you a kiss right on top of your head!
Oscar: is this human stupid or what?! Have you lost your brain at the table, human? How are you talking? No, no on my paws no! Why do you need to do that thing on my head?! It makes my brain vibrate! Let me go! Let me go! Man you stress me!

Human: my little dearest Oscar, come let me give you some milk!
Oscar: human, listen, that luminescent box is not good for you! Too many hours in front of that thing is not doing any good to your brain, trust me, now you can serve me the milk.

Human: here we are, now let me see how well you have learned the order “stay still”. Don’t move until I tell you.
Oscar: yes yes alright just give me the milk... why isn’t there any milk in my bowl?

Human: stay still! If you move there is no milk for you. Stay still!
Oscar: let me see?

Human: stay still! If you move there is no milk for you. Stay still!
Oscar: mmm I am still... let me see?

Human: stay still! If you move there is no milk for you. Stay still!
Oscar: I am very still! Let me see?

Human: stay still! If you move there is no milk for you. Stay still!
Oscar: ok now, I’ll sit here and I will not move until you give me the milk and see who will win!

Human: good boy Oscar, now that you are staying still, now you can drink!
Oscar: ahh ha! I have scared you, haven’t I? See that if I do that you give me the milk? Humans... you always have to blackmail them...

Human: and please don’t drink too fast otherwise you are going to chunder like a few days ago...
Oscar: human do you ever shut up? Couldn’t you have been a feline human?

Human: do you want fish tender chunks?
Oscar: Yyyeeeessssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love thooossseeeee!!!!!!!!! I want I want I waaaaant!!!!!!

Human: no I think that I will give those to you later on otherwise you will become as fat as a pig...
Oscar: so why are you asking for? Now I want them. I was not thinking at tender chunks but now that you put the idea in my head you have to give them to me, it’s the rule! Don’t give false hopes to the youngsters! Leave that to politicians…

Human: come with me, I’ll play one more hour then we will have dinner.
Oscar: are we going to play? Ball! Mouse!

Human: here I am guys, I am back, shall we do something else? I have an hour before I start to eat and then let the cat play for a while
Oscar: human the ball is here, next to my paw. Shall we play?

Human: ok guys, I’ll come with you, I am on follow...
Oscar: human! Can you please stop talking with that box? I am here! Human look at me! Stare in my eyes! I am watching you human! Ball!

Human: Oscar fetch the mouse!
Oscar: excuse me human, I am asking for the ball and you are throwing me the mouse? Are you following my eyes? Its called body language, can you understand? Straight tail with a curl on the top means a state of friendly attention while straight and still tail with the tip in movement like now means that the irritation it’s starting to come to the surface, get the ball and throw it in the other room!

Human: I don’t know why but I believe that you prefer the ball today... wait… look at the ball, look at the ball, fetch the ball!
Oscar: there you are! Good boy human, you finally got it! Fetch!!! BAAALLLLL!!