Come on! Wake up! Come on! It’s already daylight, I have seen the sun rising and I’ve already been hearing voices for a couple of hours! No, I am not crazy! The voices of the birds outside! Human please wake up that I am hungry and I really need to eat and when I eat I really, really need fresh water!
But, listen, could you please wake up? Human it’s already been an hour that I smell your face and I have to say that your breath it’s not interesting at all. Please? Okay, okay… I’ll go grab that mouse toy that you like so much then you can wake up and throw it for me and I’ll go fetch it and bring it back to you and you become an happy bunny and you finally give me some fresh food.
Look I am going to use my claws on your face! Come on wake up, lazy head!
Okay, now you are making me mad!!!! I will take it out on your bed sheets and it is your entire fault… ooohhhh!!!! What is that thing that moves under your covers?! Human wake up, or this could be dangerous!!! Ok, I will take care of this matter!
Blablablawawawablablabla!!!!!! (his human)
What are you going on about? I am sorry! I did not know those were your paws! You know that if you move then under the covers I cannot resist! Come on, I am going to purr at you so to make you happy!
Finally! Well done! Wakey wakey! Good... Now stand up! Stop! Now stay still so that I am able stretch myself on your leg, just to show you all my appreciation for you! There you are!
Good boy!
Blablablawawawablablabla!!!!!! (his human)
I know I have used my claws but that it’s part of the good morning ritual!
FOOD!!!!
Ooohhh! The thing with the water in the bottom opened! Wait, let me check first! Man you are dirty! I usually drink in here and you are using it instead of the litter box! Strange people these humans! Come on! What are you doing?! Noo!! Ehmm man you are smelly! Mmmm let me check... Which kind of dry food are you eating human to be so smelly? It’s impossible to resist! Look, I lay down here next to you waiting for you but you need to do something about your health because that smell means serious problems, stomach problems or food problems…
You know what? I feel like I need to go too so you can clean the litter and also I have more space for my dry food… and don’t go away because I can see you through the glass door of the litter box! There you are! All done! Look at me how light I am now! Now I run to my food!!
Good boy! Here you are! Look at me human, follow my lips, T E N D E R C H U N K S!!!!! Tender chunks are missing!!! No man! Not the fresh dry food, well, those as well, but I rather you focus on the tender chunks! Follow me human, follow my lips… C A N!!!
Open the cupboard!!! There you are! Good boy, you understood!! Eureka!!!
I have to say that I really need some good patience to tame a human like you, you know? But I have also to say that sometimes I get some satisfaction from it! Good boy! Exactly, in the clean bowl near my water bowl! Good boy! Good now you can leave me, thank you, and feel free to clean my litter box while I eat so that eventually after breakfast I can use it.
Human! Before you go to work, please, brush your teeth so that I don’t have to be ashamed of you and bath yourself and change your fur. You can leave your night fur on the bed so that I can use it to sleep after you leave, then you can go hunting while I rest… all night on watch checking for intruders in the house it’s really tiring… ciao for now my dear human and come back for lunch
lunedì 25 febbraio 2008
Typical daily routine with Oscar
Oscar: My Cat
Me: Riccardo – His Owner, or maybe the other way ‘round!
4 am
Oscar: wake up human! I want to play! Puurrrrrr, purrrrr
Me: caress, caress, caress and then sleep sleep sleep
6 am
Oscar: wake up human! My caresses reserve is finished! I want to be stroked, to play and food and not necessarily in this order! Now!
Me: Feline sausage? Maine Coon stew? Raoasted cat with potatoes? I grab the mouse toy and I throw it randomly in the direction of the dining room and just after hearing the galloping in the same direction I fall again in slumber, in Morfeo’s arms.
7 am
Oscar: Wake up human! Poop, food, play, caresses, balcony door open!! Now!!
He starts to lick my face and my hair. In case I resist to such a torture he hits me with his paws in my face with a portion of claw exposed in proportion to the number of times he has to hit my face to obtain the required result
Me: I give up my sleep, with my hair ‘peacock tail’ style I stand up still all confused and half asleep and I direct myself to the bathroom, I pull up the lid and I sit (50% with the possibility of sitting on him, who has to check before and after, 50% that I am able to be faster of him. Standing I cannot pee, I really cannot, it’s impossible unless I want to give him a shower first thing in the morning every single day…). I brush my teeth, before the feline check out the tub and tooth brush area and when it’s all ok my little hairy friend goes into the litter igloo and he shows his unconditional love for me with a poop as big as a lions’. Once he’s done, he runs briskly and far lighter, usually in between my legs as the other 2 meters of space around us are definitely not usable. Happily he runs into the kitchen where his human must, I repeat must (!), get his dry food croquettes, half a pouch of tender chunks and a little bit of catmilk. At this time he completely loses any interest having completed his function and I can happily proceed to the cleaning of the litter igloo, because he likes to pee in a clean place. Once the litter igloo is clean he runs to it and he pees immediately, I clean again. While I am cleaning again he goes to fetch the mouse toy… 10 minutes of throw and fetch back then I have to get ready to go to work.
8 am
Oscar: Goodbye human, now you can go as I have to rest
Me: Goodbye Oscar, I am so tired, sorry but I have to leave you, I have to go to earn the food for the family.
12pm
Oscar: human where the hell have you been? Tender chunks and milk are finished, dry food is running dangerously low and litter igloo needs to be cleaned…
Me: hello to you too Oscar, sorry if I am a little late. I put again some more dry food but of different taste this time so he doesn’t get bored, I clean up the litter box and I finally have my lunch (it could be even raw onions but he has to have some, even a small tiny bit because my food tastes and smells always better then his)
1 pm
Oscar: Goodbye Human, now you can go as I need to rest.
Me: Goodbye Oscar, I will be back soon. Be good.
5.30 pm
Oscar: human I am getting bored on my own, I slept a lot! I am bored! Let’s play! Me: Oscar, may I take a shower? Ok, let’s play 10 minutes, 10, not more... 30 minutes later, at best, I finally reach the shower with a little less skin on my body than before... I get out of the shower and I try to grab the little hairy one who is trying to run into the shower (only a 50% chance!), in any case I tell him off but he answers me back badly. Then I prepare dinner while he is checking everything I do and whilst he finds it convenient to hang himself on my trousers with his open claws and so to my skin… After dinner I play for about an hour with Oscar then I dedicate some of my quality time to play online while he follows the mouse pointer or he sleeps on the desk where my pc screen is. It is known that the best place where to sleep for a cat in a 100 square meters house is on the mouse arm of his human… could be the slow motion movement?
12 am
Oscar: human go to sleep, it’s not healthy to play for such a long time. To take good care of you now I will start to attack your mouse controlling hand.
Me: I understand… I have to go to sleep… I start to change and get ready for bed but the cat it’s furious with me, because of course it’s my fault that I let him sleep on my moving arm for more then 3 hours, to punish me for the affront he starts attacking my slippers, feet, trousers, etc.. I proceed with one leg heavier then the other to the bathroom to brush my teeth. As I brush my teeth my hairy owner is checking on me. As he fights against the mighty foot, I try to reach (with one toe less), toward the toilet, I pull up the lid and I sit (I’ve already told you the story of my seated peeing!!)
12.20 am
Oscar: shall we play? Let’s play! Shall we play? Let’s play!
Me: I am tired, tired, very tired, even more tired than very tired!
1 am
Oscar: thanks for letting me play with you human, now you can go to sleep.
Me: thank God for making him tired! I crawl into my bed...
1.05 am
Oscar: Human! Be carefull! There is a monster that moves under the covers! Let me save you!!
Me: Ouch! Bloody hell!! My toe!! OUCH! Come on!! OOUUCCCHHHHH!!!! And so the cat flies through the room...
1.30 am
Oscar: Have you calmed down? Look I have done it for you, you know! I saved you from the mouse or whatever thing that was under your covers!
Me: sorry Oscar but you were really hurting me, come here that I’ll pet you a little! Ronf ronf ronf (purrs)
2 am
Oscar: goodnight human, sleep well, i go to check if there are any monsters in the rest of the house and if there is some food left for me.
Me: Ciao Oscar, good night
2.15 am
Oscar: Human! There was lots of food! And milk! I love you! (his face against mine, his heavy breath against my face, his moustache tickling my nose, his rough tongue on my lips) Ciao human, goodnight. Now I take a bath but I also check on you while you sleep so to make sure you are having a good night of sleep so I’ll sit right here on your head.
Me: Oscar please, you breath is terrible, you have just produced in the litter box and your behind it’s smelling like the Bombay sewage! Please don’t hold yourself with your claws on my face to clean yourself! No not even on my ear! Ciao goodnight, love you too, i have no idea how i could live without you! (smile)
Me: Riccardo – His Owner, or maybe the other way ‘round!
4 am
Oscar: wake up human! I want to play! Puurrrrrr, purrrrr
Me: caress, caress, caress and then sleep sleep sleep
6 am
Oscar: wake up human! My caresses reserve is finished! I want to be stroked, to play and food and not necessarily in this order! Now!
Me: Feline sausage? Maine Coon stew? Raoasted cat with potatoes? I grab the mouse toy and I throw it randomly in the direction of the dining room and just after hearing the galloping in the same direction I fall again in slumber, in Morfeo’s arms.
7 am
Oscar: Wake up human! Poop, food, play, caresses, balcony door open!! Now!!
He starts to lick my face and my hair. In case I resist to such a torture he hits me with his paws in my face with a portion of claw exposed in proportion to the number of times he has to hit my face to obtain the required result
Me: I give up my sleep, with my hair ‘peacock tail’ style I stand up still all confused and half asleep and I direct myself to the bathroom, I pull up the lid and I sit (50% with the possibility of sitting on him, who has to check before and after, 50% that I am able to be faster of him. Standing I cannot pee, I really cannot, it’s impossible unless I want to give him a shower first thing in the morning every single day…). I brush my teeth, before the feline check out the tub and tooth brush area and when it’s all ok my little hairy friend goes into the litter igloo and he shows his unconditional love for me with a poop as big as a lions’. Once he’s done, he runs briskly and far lighter, usually in between my legs as the other 2 meters of space around us are definitely not usable. Happily he runs into the kitchen where his human must, I repeat must (!), get his dry food croquettes, half a pouch of tender chunks and a little bit of catmilk. At this time he completely loses any interest having completed his function and I can happily proceed to the cleaning of the litter igloo, because he likes to pee in a clean place. Once the litter igloo is clean he runs to it and he pees immediately, I clean again. While I am cleaning again he goes to fetch the mouse toy… 10 minutes of throw and fetch back then I have to get ready to go to work.
8 am
Oscar: Goodbye human, now you can go as I have to rest
Me: Goodbye Oscar, I am so tired, sorry but I have to leave you, I have to go to earn the food for the family.
12pm
Oscar: human where the hell have you been? Tender chunks and milk are finished, dry food is running dangerously low and litter igloo needs to be cleaned…
Me: hello to you too Oscar, sorry if I am a little late. I put again some more dry food but of different taste this time so he doesn’t get bored, I clean up the litter box and I finally have my lunch (it could be even raw onions but he has to have some, even a small tiny bit because my food tastes and smells always better then his)
1 pm
Oscar: Goodbye Human, now you can go as I need to rest.
Me: Goodbye Oscar, I will be back soon. Be good.
5.30 pm
Oscar: human I am getting bored on my own, I slept a lot! I am bored! Let’s play! Me: Oscar, may I take a shower? Ok, let’s play 10 minutes, 10, not more... 30 minutes later, at best, I finally reach the shower with a little less skin on my body than before... I get out of the shower and I try to grab the little hairy one who is trying to run into the shower (only a 50% chance!), in any case I tell him off but he answers me back badly. Then I prepare dinner while he is checking everything I do and whilst he finds it convenient to hang himself on my trousers with his open claws and so to my skin… After dinner I play for about an hour with Oscar then I dedicate some of my quality time to play online while he follows the mouse pointer or he sleeps on the desk where my pc screen is. It is known that the best place where to sleep for a cat in a 100 square meters house is on the mouse arm of his human… could be the slow motion movement?
12 am
Oscar: human go to sleep, it’s not healthy to play for such a long time. To take good care of you now I will start to attack your mouse controlling hand.
Me: I understand… I have to go to sleep… I start to change and get ready for bed but the cat it’s furious with me, because of course it’s my fault that I let him sleep on my moving arm for more then 3 hours, to punish me for the affront he starts attacking my slippers, feet, trousers, etc.. I proceed with one leg heavier then the other to the bathroom to brush my teeth. As I brush my teeth my hairy owner is checking on me. As he fights against the mighty foot, I try to reach (with one toe less), toward the toilet, I pull up the lid and I sit (I’ve already told you the story of my seated peeing!!)
12.20 am
Oscar: shall we play? Let’s play! Shall we play? Let’s play!
Me: I am tired, tired, very tired, even more tired than very tired!
1 am
Oscar: thanks for letting me play with you human, now you can go to sleep.
Me: thank God for making him tired! I crawl into my bed...
1.05 am
Oscar: Human! Be carefull! There is a monster that moves under the covers! Let me save you!!
Me: Ouch! Bloody hell!! My toe!! OUCH! Come on!! OOUUCCCHHHHH!!!! And so the cat flies through the room...
1.30 am
Oscar: Have you calmed down? Look I have done it for you, you know! I saved you from the mouse or whatever thing that was under your covers!
Me: sorry Oscar but you were really hurting me, come here that I’ll pet you a little! Ronf ronf ronf (purrs)
2 am
Oscar: goodnight human, sleep well, i go to check if there are any monsters in the rest of the house and if there is some food left for me.
Me: Ciao Oscar, good night
2.15 am
Oscar: Human! There was lots of food! And milk! I love you! (his face against mine, his heavy breath against my face, his moustache tickling my nose, his rough tongue on my lips) Ciao human, goodnight. Now I take a bath but I also check on you while you sleep so to make sure you are having a good night of sleep so I’ll sit right here on your head.
Me: Oscar please, you breath is terrible, you have just produced in the litter box and your behind it’s smelling like the Bombay sewage! Please don’t hold yourself with your claws on my face to clean yourself! No not even on my ear! Ciao goodnight, love you too, i have no idea how i could live without you! (smile)
Iscriviti a:
Post (Atom)
